The title of this feature is
Run and Not Be Weary and I really do believe that if we take care of our bodies they will take care of us. That is if we run...we won't be weary. So to speak. But what if you are
already weary? Too weary to run or do anything else? Mentally and emotionally weary? You
know what you need to do to feel better, but you feel powerless to motivate yourself to do those things. This is the face of depression, and boy, it's a
dog!
Depression is something I have dealt with for as long as I can remember, and I am passionate about helping others who are suffering inside it's horrible dark and spiraling grip. There is so much help and hope for those who suffer from depression and I want to help others to access it.
More then anything else people suffering from depression need to get to a place where they know and to truly believe that
depression is a bona fide illness. Just like diabetes. Just like diabetes it cannot be treated by being a better person, by trying to have positive thoughts or telling ourselves to just snap out of it. Just like diabetes, depression needs to be treated by professionals.
To me the worst
problem with depression is that because it affects our thought processes it can very easily be confused with who we really are. Like a cancer it winds itself around our thought processing and changes our personality. This makes depression self perpetuating. When brain chemicals get out of whack and we become depressed, we lose motivation, have sad, self-defeating and even angry thoughts and then we start to believe that we are hopeless to change, that we have a weak character and we wonder why we don't handle life as other people do.
All too often we come to the conclusion that it is because we aren't a good person or that we somehow brought this upon ourselves. This leads to feelings of increased hopelessness and despair, and depression is magnified.
I think it is one of the most cruel and insidious diseases, because
the very nature of depression resists treatment. So many people decide this state of sadness and lack of motivation is just "who they are", or caused by laziness or lack of spirituality. They don't
realize that the depression is
separate from their personality, character and spirit, so they don't make any moves to get treatment.
Because we believe in the power of prayer and we know that righteousness brings us joy, we are even more susceptible to this sort of thought process. Satan
loves this thought process and promotes the feelings of utter despair and hopelessness it generates.
President Ezra Taft Benson said: “As the showdown between good and evil approaches with its accompanying trials and tribulations, Satan is increasingly striving to overcome the Saints with despair, discouragement, despondency, and depression” (“Do Not Despair,”
Ensign, Oct. 1986, 2)
Many people attempt to conceal their depression even if they
do recognize it for what it is, because they fear that there is a stigma attached to mental health issues. I have been clueless about depression, in denial and then ashamed of it at different times of life. Each of these mind-sets kept me firmly in it's grip.
It was only when postpartum depression became severe enough to drastically impair my functioning, that I finally relented and got some help. As someone who likes to keep things "natural" the idea of drugs horrified me and I was leary of therapists too. Getting treatment made me feel as though I had to admit that I failing at life and weak for not being able to take care of this myself. In hindsight, I consider getting treatment for depression to be one of the bravest and most selfless things I have ever done. Although every part of me fought the idea of getting help, I knew my family needed me to do it.
Once the treatment for my depression started to work though, I was absolutely astounded and overjoyed to realize that the "character flaws" I had accepted as my own since childhood were not part of who I was
at all!
My inability to focus for long periods of time, my irritation and anger at things that did not seem to bother other people, my tendencies to become a hermit from time to time, my erratic spirituality...
none of these things were actually me!
They were symptoms of an illness. I can't tell you what a relief it was to me to finally discover
me, unfettered by the symptoms of depression.
And while I certainly do have character flaws which I would like to blame on depression, I can't. The fact is that I remain a flawed human being, but now that my brain chemicals are properly in balance, I can recognize my flaws for what they are and not feel as though they eclipse my good qualities. Unlike before, I now feel empowered to work on my weaknesses, and able to make progress toward being the person I ultimately want to be.
A friend I spoke to about depression recently, told me that she was
tired of feeling like a slave to her emotions and mood swings. Oh, how well I could relate to that statement, as that is
exactly how I felt when in the grips of depression. I would hesitate to commit to things because I never knew when I might wake up and need every ounce of my strength just to get through the day doing the bare minimum.
After I was treated for depression I continued (and continue) to have good and bad days, just like everyone else.
Depression treatment does not put you in some sort of high and happy altered state. It just allows you to be.. you, no longer a victim to your emotions. Depression took away my ability to take control, to dig deep and discipline myself to do things I did not want to do. Having that control back made me feel so much more confident and capable. On a bad day the choice is now
mine whether I will climb out of the funk I am in and do what needs to be done.
By far the cruelest symptom of depression for me was the darkening of my faith and subsequently my whole world. After being treated for depression I found that I was not nearly as spiritually erratic. This is not to say that I don't still have my peaks and valleys in spirituality, but my faith is not entirely lost on a cyclical basis as it was before being treated.
Since coming to a better understanding of my own depression, I have realized that depression is so much more common then I had previously thought.
I have realized that just because someone smiles at church on Sunday does not mean they aren't enduring a private hell. That just because they seem to have it all together, does not mean that
they feel as if they do.
I have realized that
there is no shame in depression, just as there is no shame in diabetes, and happily, I have encountered very few signs that there is still a stigma attached to it. But more importantly I have found that since being freed from depression, I don't actually
care if there is a stigma. I do realize that not everyone is in that place though, and that fears of stigma may hinder others from seeking help. For that reason I live out loud (and proud) about my journey.
I feel that my depression was not suffered needlessly-it, like all other trials has enabled me to be more compassionate and helpful to others in the same boat. However,
helping others was only possible after I helped myself.
The first steps toward getting treatment for any illness is to recognize that you are having out of the ordinary symptoms and to
seek diagnosis. It may seem that it would be obvious for someone to know that they are depressed but again, when it has been suffered for long enough it is easy to mistake for "this is just what my life looks like". Many
check-lists exist online to determine whether you may have depression.
If someone you love has told you that they believe you may have depression, pay attention! Conversely, if
you feel like you have depression but those you love are telling you that you don't, pay
no attention! You are far more likely to diagnose yourself as
not having depression when you do, then the other way around. If what you are experiencing is not depression,
there is no harm in speaking to a Dr. anyway, sometimes other physical health issues can make us feel more anxious or sad then usual. Speaking of which...
Get to a Dr. Again, when you are depressed, getting help is something you may know you need to do, just as you know that exercise would probably help or getting out of your sweats and off the couch occasionally would help, but you are just too depressed to do anything about it. This is when enlisting the
help of a friend or family member to help you to make appointments and see that you make them is critical.
If your Dr. prescribes medication, give it a chance! Most medications take a couple of weeks to take effect and some take up to several months to reach their full effectiveness. Talk to your Dr. about how soon you should be feeling better and if you aren't at that stage, you can work with them about finding a more suitable medication. There are many different options.
Get some therapy. Therapy in conjunction with medication is by far the most recommended course of treatment for depression. You may want to talk to your Bishop himself, or to get a referral from him to see a counselor through
LDS Social Services. If you prefer private therapy don't be afraid to shop around. You don't have to click with the person as a best pal but confidence in your therapist is crucial.
Be honest and open. Tell your friends and family that you are struggling, if they don't already know. Tell them how they can help you, don't assume they will know the right things to say or do. You may need a family member to make a Dr's appointment and sit with you through it. You may need a friend to drag you out into the fresh air to take a walk. Allow your loved ones the blessings of helping you.
Draw strength from prayer and scripture study.
The most comforting thing to me in any trial, is that Christ has felt my burdens and is willing to carry them by virtue of the Atonement. This includes the pain of depression. Know that you are
never alone, ask for help from your Heavenly Father in understanding your infinite worth, and patience as you deal with this trial. And know that you are not alone in your suffering either. Even mighty Nephi gave us a glimpse into his despair “O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart
sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities” (
2 Ne. 4:17). But he also understands that the Lord is mindful of us, and will help us .."nevertheless, I know in whom I have
atrusted. My God hath been my
asupport; he hath led me through mine
bafflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. "
If you are feeling depressed, please don't lose any more time, reach out. Help is out there. Your Father in Heaven wants you to avail yourself of it. He will help and bless you as you do.
Kirsty is South African, born into the Church, and currently lives in Ohio with her husband and four kids. She is a sometimes birth doula, fitness instructor, and writer with featured article in LDSliving magazine. She constantly plots against her laundry, and loves new visitors to her personal blog, Momedy.
Images courtesy of
http://unexpectedblessing.wordpress.com/page/11/
http://www.fractalenlightenment.com/2007/05/beat-monday-blues.html
a.abcnews.com/WN/story?id=6419948
Now this plan isn't just buy an extra can while you're at the store. I tried that and I got a whole bunch of corn and random cans of spagetti o's, green beans and chili... that WAS NOT building a storage. It was cluttering my pantry!
So in March I officially started! My husband and I sat down and evaluated our budget and what we could store. We decided that we could contribute $5 a week to build things up. The first week was spices... so I started with salt and pepper. Week number 2 was mixes... since I can't have gluten I made my own mixes and put them in containers and added them to the food storage shelf. 
April weeks 1 and 2 helped me stock up on seeds (radishes are GREAT in an emergency), jams, jellies, pudding and jello. April week 3 brought the "medicine" chest. I took a trip to the dollar store and bought ipecac, pepto bismol, Aspirin, peroxide and antihistamine. Week 4 is all about flour... flour flour and MORE FLOUR! Again since I can't have gluten (wheat, rye, barley) then I stock up on "my flours" rice, tapioca, quinoa, sourghum, etc.
Primary children learn "
