I find myself slipping back into a bad Sunday habit. I am a Sunday School skipper. I don't know what it is about Sunday School, but I find myself out in the foyer, running home to pick up something I've forgotten for third hour, putting the finishing touches on a lesson. Sometimes it's just anything that keeps me out of Sunday School.
I don't like going in late (and now that it's summer break and our ranks have swelled, late means no seats), so if I have things to take care of after Sacrament meeting, I'll just not go.
It's not that our Sunday School is boring. We really do have an awesome, amazing teacher in our ward. And I went when I was in the Family History Class (of course, I also had one of my teenagers attending with me, so that kept me on task), but for some reason I find myself over the years starting out well in each ward and then gradually fading as time goes on.
I wouldn't dream of skipping out on Sacrament Meeting and I am always there for Relief Society (well, I was until I got called into Young Women and there's just no way I can be missing that), but Sunday School is just another story.
I don't know what it is that I get out of the habit. Sitting too long does cause my back to flare up, but I'm not sure that's it--the chairs in the Relief Society Room are definitely better for sitting than in the Young Women Room. I'm pretty sure it's not all sitting and listening to the teacher lecture; I've heard some great discussions in Gospel Doctrine. Could it be guilt that I don't keep up with the reading as well as I should? Sometimes I don't read like I should and sometimes I'm reading other books of scripture.
So, are you a dedicated Sunday School attendee or a Sunday School Skipper? If you go all the time, how do you keep yourself motivated to be there? What's the trick?
And if you're a Skipper, why is it that you don't go? Do you know? Or do you have to think about this one. This is definitely a habit I need to change (I'm starting over again today) and I really some help and motivation on this one.
So, give me some feedback and help me get back on track--and maybe we'll get some more of our sisters back on track at the same time.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Oh, What Do You Do in the Summertime?
It's the last day of school here today. The girls are doing the happy dance. I alternate between being happy to have them home for the summer and wondering how long it will be before they make me crazy.
While I think summer should be about fun and relaxation and ditching all the pressure of the school year, I also want it to be enriching and fulfilling.
We have a few must-do activities around here for the summer--besides riding bikes and going to the pool and weeding the garden and mowing the lawn. I have a house full of band geeks and that means music. We don't do private music lessons--it's just not in the budget--but they all play in the school band. That means part of summer will involve music practice.
#4 brought home a new instrument the last week of school. She's going to play trombone in one of her band classes next year. She already plays the flute in the advanced band and played trumpet in the intermediate band, but trombone is new and she needs to be up to speed when school starts. She'll need a lot of practice to keep up on at least two instruments.
#3 plays the clarinet and bass clarinet. No bass clarinet this summer because she's changing schools in the fall and we definitely can't afford to buy her one of her own, so she'll have lots of time on her clarinet. The fingering is the same and besides, many marching bands don't march bass clarinets so she needs to be ready for marching season with her regular clarinet.
I'm also a bookworm, so we have reading time every day. Lots of library trips (if you read my other blog, you already know I'm a library junkie) and time for fun reading. No restrictions except that graphic "novels" drive me crazy, so I limit the number of those that get read over the summer.
And we'll have some field trips because I don't like to stay indoors. My girls have already torn out all kinds of pages from the city Rec guide. If I enrolled them in every workshop they liked, I'd have to take out a second mortgage. I think we'll pick one or two.
What happens at your house in the summer? Do you have lots of planned, structured time or do you let the rugrats roam free and explore? Do they get extra chores? Do they have summer "assignments"? How does it work at your house? I am always looking for new ideas. I'd love your feedback--and if you have a whole post you'd like to write or share, I'd love to hear from you about that, too.
While I think summer should be about fun and relaxation and ditching all the pressure of the school year, I also want it to be enriching and fulfilling.We have a few must-do activities around here for the summer--besides riding bikes and going to the pool and weeding the garden and mowing the lawn. I have a house full of band geeks and that means music. We don't do private music lessons--it's just not in the budget--but they all play in the school band. That means part of summer will involve music practice.
#4 brought home a new instrument the last week of school. She's going to play trombone in one of her band classes next year. She already plays the flute in the advanced band and played trumpet in the intermediate band, but trombone is new and she needs to be up to speed when school starts. She'll need a lot of practice to keep up on at least two instruments.
#3 plays the clarinet and bass clarinet. No bass clarinet this summer because she's changing schools in the fall and we definitely can't afford to buy her one of her own, so she'll have lots of time on her clarinet. The fingering is the same and besides, many marching bands don't march bass clarinets so she needs to be ready for marching season with her regular clarinet.
And we'll have some field trips because I don't like to stay indoors. My girls have already torn out all kinds of pages from the city Rec guide. If I enrolled them in every workshop they liked, I'd have to take out a second mortgage. I think we'll pick one or two.
What happens at your house in the summer? Do you have lots of planned, structured time or do you let the rugrats roam free and explore? Do they get extra chores? Do they have summer "assignments"? How does it work at your house? I am always looking for new ideas. I'd love your feedback--and if you have a whole post you'd like to write or share, I'd love to hear from you about that, too.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Ah-Choo! Must Be Spring
Spring and I have a love-hate relationship. I'm not a big fan of winter. Yes, I willingly moved to the land of winter, but that doesn't mean it's my favorite season.
Winter here wasn't too awfully horrible this year. We did have that one week where the highs had minus signs in front of them and I didn't go outside, but beyond that we didn't get a lot of snow and I survived it. It was cold in New Mexico in the winter, but even our lows didn't have minus signs.
So, I am always happy for the arrival of spring, but it's a mixed bag. Spring means no more snow and cold (unless you live here at the North Pole, apparently), but it also means things start growing and that means pollen. And I am allergic to things that produce pollen.
Pollen is definitely NOT my friend.
Pollen goes head-to-head with my asthma and makes it unhappy. Pollen makes my nose run and my eyes water and my throat itch and causes my immune system to produce vast quantities of nasty stuff we won't talk about on this family-friendly blog. Pollen makes me wish I bought stock in Kimberly-Clark because I am clearly single-handedly responsible for their spring Kleenex profits. Pollen makes me long for summer. For what it's worth, fall and I don't get on too well, either, but summer--we do ok.
So, like any other reasonable person, I buy out the pharmacy in an effort to find relief and breath. At least I used to. It seems like every time I'd find an allergy medicine that actually gave me some relief (and there aren't many), either my insurance company would decide to stop paying for it because I could something else--that didn't work--over the counter, or the FDA would decide that I was going to die from taking it and pulled it off the market. Apparently, they didn't realize that I was going to die a lot faster if I didn't take it.
And then I found Allegra. And it worked. My Kleenex consumption went down considerably. I was able to leave the house and actually be with other people. And then Claritin became available without a prescription. So my insurance company decided that I could take Claritin instead. Only it doesn't work. And at $40/month for the generic Allegra (fexofenadine) at Costco, this was going to get old fast.
A friend told me to take honey. He said eating local honey would cure my allergies. Yeah, right. I've been down that road before. I have the allergies to beat all allergies. I've tried just about every home remedy on the planet. They don't work. Pollen and I, we still don't get along. Besides, I can't stand honey. Ick. It makes me gag. No way I'm going to be slurping down a spoonful of honey every morning and not lose my breakfast (yeah, I know. We're family friendly. You'll get over it over it).
He kept telling me this. After a year of paying out of pocket for my Allegra AND having the insurance company decide that #4, aka Asthma Girl, didn't need prescription allergy medicine either, I decided it was time to find an alternative.
I trekked down to the health food store and found a jar of local honey. Being the wise woman that I am, I decided that hubby could be the guinea pig. Besides, he likes honey. He started taking the honey and after about three weeks or so of eating his daily teaspoonful of honey his eyes stopped itching (his allergies aren't as bad as mine--his eyes just get kind of red and itchy in the spring). It seemed to be working, so we moved on to #4. She likes honey, too. She takes her daily honey in the form of peanut butter and honey sandwiches. Still too icky for me. And it worked. Not only did her allergies get better, but she stopped needing to use her rescue inhaler every day.
I decided to get brave and give it a shot. But I really, really don't like honey. I really cannot make a spoonful of honey go down my throat. Peanut butter and honey was not going to be an option either. Why ruin a perfectly good peanut butter sandwich? So, it was back to the health food store to look for an alternative. I found local bee pollen. The clerk at the store told me it would work the same, so I bought a bottle of it and brought it home.
And it worked. Bee pollen doesn't taste very good and the texture is a little like swallowing a spoonful of gravel, but it's not honey and I can still swallow it, washing it down with a small glass of milk (I'm not a milk fan either, but it gets rid of the aftertaste).
I've been doing this for three years now and I no longer feel that pull to buy stock in Kimberly-Clark. I can go out and enjoy spring. No more itchy watery eyes, no more runny nose, no more out-of-control asthma or sneezing or coughing or other nasty stuff.
The side benefit? It's budget friendly. One bottle of bee pollen lasts me for about six months and costs much less than one month of Allegra, even now that it's over the counter.
So, if you're doing the battle of spring, give it a try. It takes a few weeks to build up in your system, so you won't see immediate relief, but if you're like me and like to avoid the pharmeceuticals, this is one home remedy that really does have some merit to it.
Just remember:
You need local bee pollen or local honey. The closer it grows to your area, the better it's going to work.
You need to take it every day. Just one teaspoon a day is all you need. If you're taking honey, you can use it on a sandwich or stir it into your tea, but every day. For bee pollen, I recommend just biting the bullet and washing it down with milk or whatever else you like to drink.
And finally, your mileage may vary. I had horrible allergies and it was like a miracle. But it may not work as well for you. I'm not a doctor, just doctor mom.
Happy Spring!
Winter here wasn't too awfully horrible this year. We did have that one week where the highs had minus signs in front of them and I didn't go outside, but beyond that we didn't get a lot of snow and I survived it. It was cold in New Mexico in the winter, but even our lows didn't have minus signs.
So, I am always happy for the arrival of spring, but it's a mixed bag. Spring means no more snow and cold (unless you live here at the North Pole, apparently), but it also means things start growing and that means pollen. And I am allergic to things that produce pollen.
Pollen is definitely NOT my friend.
Pollen goes head-to-head with my asthma and makes it unhappy. Pollen makes my nose run and my eyes water and my throat itch and causes my immune system to produce vast quantities of nasty stuff we won't talk about on this family-friendly blog. Pollen makes me wish I bought stock in Kimberly-Clark because I am clearly single-handedly responsible for their spring Kleenex profits. Pollen makes me long for summer. For what it's worth, fall and I don't get on too well, either, but summer--we do ok.So, like any other reasonable person, I buy out the pharmacy in an effort to find relief and breath. At least I used to. It seems like every time I'd find an allergy medicine that actually gave me some relief (and there aren't many), either my insurance company would decide to stop paying for it because I could something else--that didn't work--over the counter, or the FDA would decide that I was going to die from taking it and pulled it off the market. Apparently, they didn't realize that I was going to die a lot faster if I didn't take it.
And then I found Allegra. And it worked. My Kleenex consumption went down considerably. I was able to leave the house and actually be with other people. And then Claritin became available without a prescription. So my insurance company decided that I could take Claritin instead. Only it doesn't work. And at $40/month for the generic Allegra (fexofenadine) at Costco, this was going to get old fast.
A friend told me to take honey. He said eating local honey would cure my allergies. Yeah, right. I've been down that road before. I have the allergies to beat all allergies. I've tried just about every home remedy on the planet. They don't work. Pollen and I, we still don't get along. Besides, I can't stand honey. Ick. It makes me gag. No way I'm going to be slurping down a spoonful of honey every morning and not lose my breakfast (yeah, I know. We're family friendly. You'll get over it over it).
He kept telling me this. After a year of paying out of pocket for my Allegra AND having the insurance company decide that #4, aka Asthma Girl, didn't need prescription allergy medicine either, I decided it was time to find an alternative.
I trekked down to the health food store and found a jar of local honey. Being the wise woman that I am, I decided that hubby could be the guinea pig. Besides, he likes honey. He started taking the honey and after about three weeks or so of eating his daily teaspoonful of honey his eyes stopped itching (his allergies aren't as bad as mine--his eyes just get kind of red and itchy in the spring). It seemed to be working, so we moved on to #4. She likes honey, too. She takes her daily honey in the form of peanut butter and honey sandwiches. Still too icky for me. And it worked. Not only did her allergies get better, but she stopped needing to use her rescue inhaler every day.I decided to get brave and give it a shot. But I really, really don't like honey. I really cannot make a spoonful of honey go down my throat. Peanut butter and honey was not going to be an option either. Why ruin a perfectly good peanut butter sandwich? So, it was back to the health food store to look for an alternative. I found local bee pollen. The clerk at the store told me it would work the same, so I bought a bottle of it and brought it home.
And it worked. Bee pollen doesn't taste very good and the texture is a little like swallowing a spoonful of gravel, but it's not honey and I can still swallow it, washing it down with a small glass of milk (I'm not a milk fan either, but it gets rid of the aftertaste).I've been doing this for three years now and I no longer feel that pull to buy stock in Kimberly-Clark. I can go out and enjoy spring. No more itchy watery eyes, no more runny nose, no more out-of-control asthma or sneezing or coughing or other nasty stuff.
The side benefit? It's budget friendly. One bottle of bee pollen lasts me for about six months and costs much less than one month of Allegra, even now that it's over the counter.
So, if you're doing the battle of spring, give it a try. It takes a few weeks to build up in your system, so you won't see immediate relief, but if you're like me and like to avoid the pharmeceuticals, this is one home remedy that really does have some merit to it.
Just remember:
You need local bee pollen or local honey. The closer it grows to your area, the better it's going to work.
You need to take it every day. Just one teaspoon a day is all you need. If you're taking honey, you can use it on a sandwich or stir it into your tea, but every day. For bee pollen, I recommend just biting the bullet and washing it down with milk or whatever else you like to drink.
And finally, your mileage may vary. I had horrible allergies and it was like a miracle. But it may not work as well for you. I'm not a doctor, just doctor mom.
Happy Spring!
Friday, May 13, 2011
Mother's Day Revisited
Yeah, I know. It's Friday and Mother's Day was Sunday and I really should have been on the ball enough to post this at least a couple of days ago. But I had to recover from Mother's Day AND I've been off in my own little computer world redesigning my website, which as always, took at least three times as long as I planned for. But it's done. If you want to stop by and check it out and give me some feedback, you're definitely invited. Just click here--but NOT until AFTER you read this great post by Sarah.
Sarah is a stay-at-home mom to her 9-month-old son and sugar momma to her hardworking husband of almost two years. She works for a local paper once a month and enjoys socializing, crafts and music. You can read more of Sarah at her blogs http://thejrsrfamily.blogspot.
I only feel it's apropos to write my feelings in regards to my first-ever Mother's Day. Last year apparently didn't count since my son was only half-baked. But the lessons in church and some things I've read have changed my mind and perspective about that. I now feel I've been gypped out of 25 Mother's Days.
What am I saying? I'm saying that my whole existence has been about motherhood, and I'm not talking about preparing for the day when I would enter that labor and delivery room and out comes a baby. Motherhood, I've learned, is much more than that, says Sheri Dew. And she is so right! Motherhood is not solely equated with maternity! Every woman needs to get over that way of thinking and focus on how she can be a better mother not only to her own children or family, but to those around her.
Early that morning, I sat and contemplated what it meant to be a mother and found myself very lacking. Instead of getting discouraged, I was emboldened. The talks and lessons at church supported this feeling. They broadened my view and taught me how to be a better mother. I learned that motherhood for me did not begin when I first conceived our son. Rather, it began long ago, before I even came to this earth. My husband thought that most of the talks seemed to "cater" to those who couldn't have children. I disagreed. They said to me that I was chosen and called to be a mother, along with every other righteous woman. Not only that, but I'm destined to continue to be a mother after this mortal life as long as I keep my covenants. I don't even think I can begin to understand the magnitude of that.
Sheri Dew says, "Our motherhood began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality, righteous women were endowed premortally with the privilege of motherhood."
Don't most of us remember times when we were little girls, rocking our baby dolls to sleep or feeding them? We all feel that yearning to nurture, to tenderly care for others. It's an innate attribute we all share and must learn to cultivate carefully.
Not only will we continue to have an increase after this life, but the very word, "mother" characterizes us in the hereafter: "For mother is the word that will define a righteous woman made perfect in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom, a woman who has qualified for eternal increase in posterity, wisdom, joy, and influence." What a promise and incentive to live up to my very potential as a mother.
Sometimes, we find ourselves waiting on the Lord for promised blessings. For everyone, it's different. This is what Sheri Dew said about those without children: "For reasons known to the Lord, some women are required to wait to have children. This delay is not easy for any righteous woman. But the Lord’s timetable for each of us does not negate our nature." I think the key word is "delay." Everyone needs to be reminded of that. The Lord has made promises and He will pull through for us. We have to remember it's on His timeline though, not ours.
It only makes sense that Relief Society declaration states "Find nobility in motherhood and joy in womanhood." How exhilarating it is to be a woman and what a glorious time it is to be a mother to those who need it.
Sarah is a stay-at-home mom to her 9-month-old son and sugar momma to her hardworking husband of almost two years. She works for a local paper once a month and enjoys socializing, crafts and music. You can read more of Sarah at her blogs http://thejrsrfamily.blogspot.
___________________________________________________________
I only feel it's apropos to write my feelings in regards to my first-ever Mother's Day. Last year apparently didn't count since my son was only half-baked. But the lessons in church and some things I've read have changed my mind and perspective about that. I now feel I've been gypped out of 25 Mother's Days.
What am I saying? I'm saying that my whole existence has been about motherhood, and I'm not talking about preparing for the day when I would enter that labor and delivery room and out comes a baby. Motherhood, I've learned, is much more than that, says Sheri Dew. And she is so right! Motherhood is not solely equated with maternity! Every woman needs to get over that way of thinking and focus on how she can be a better mother not only to her own children or family, but to those around her.
Early that morning, I sat and contemplated what it meant to be a mother and found myself very lacking. Instead of getting discouraged, I was emboldened. The talks and lessons at church supported this feeling. They broadened my view and taught me how to be a better mother. I learned that motherhood for me did not begin when I first conceived our son. Rather, it began long ago, before I even came to this earth. My husband thought that most of the talks seemed to "cater" to those who couldn't have children. I disagreed. They said to me that I was chosen and called to be a mother, along with every other righteous woman. Not only that, but I'm destined to continue to be a mother after this mortal life as long as I keep my covenants. I don't even think I can begin to understand the magnitude of that.
Sheri Dew says, "Our motherhood began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality, righteous women were endowed premortally with the privilege of motherhood."
Don't most of us remember times when we were little girls, rocking our baby dolls to sleep or feeding them? We all feel that yearning to nurture, to tenderly care for others. It's an innate attribute we all share and must learn to cultivate carefully.
Not only will we continue to have an increase after this life, but the very word, "mother" characterizes us in the hereafter: "For mother is the word that will define a righteous woman made perfect in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom, a woman who has qualified for eternal increase in posterity, wisdom, joy, and influence." What a promise and incentive to live up to my very potential as a mother.
Sometimes, we find ourselves waiting on the Lord for promised blessings. For everyone, it's different. This is what Sheri Dew said about those without children: "For reasons known to the Lord, some women are required to wait to have children. This delay is not easy for any righteous woman. But the Lord’s timetable for each of us does not negate our nature." I think the key word is "delay." Everyone needs to be reminded of that. The Lord has made promises and He will pull through for us. We have to remember it's on His timeline though, not ours.
It only makes sense that Relief Society declaration states "Find nobility in motherhood and joy in womanhood." How exhilarating it is to be a woman and what a glorious time it is to be a mother to those who need it.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Not Your Ordinary Mother's Day Post
Sunday is Mother's Day. I'm guessing, unless you live under a rock somewhere, you've noticed. It's pretty hard to miss, what with all those annoying commercials about all the stuff we mothers apparently NEED to be properly appreciated.
It's not my favorite holiday. In fact, I know an awful lot of women who wouldn't be the least bit sad if it somehow vanished off the calendar. I think I'm one of them. Sort of.
Mother's Day is a tough holiday. I remember as a child, sitting through Sacrament meetings where they handed out plants to "special" mothers: the oldest mother, the newest mother, the mother with the most kids, the "mother" of the ward (the bishop's wife). I'm sure there were other honorifics, because it went on forever, but I don't remember them.
And then time went on and I guess they decided that doing that was a pretty discriminatory practice, like somehow those women were somehow better and more deserving of praise and blessings and the other mothers didn't quite make the grade, so they started giving out something, usually droopy carnations that died before church was over, to every woman of Relief Society age--meaning 18 or over. I thought that was weird, too. As a single teen and young adult, I was pretty uncomfortable with the idea that I should be "honored" on Mother's Day. I tried to either dodge out or just not accept a carnation, but those Deacons weren't having any of that.
And like many young women, my teenage years did not lend themselves to a stellar relationship with my own mother. These things do not a joyous Mother's Day make.
Even after I got married and had kids, I still wrestled with it. I had a really hard time as a young mother. I lived in a very traditional ward, we were a young married couple, I had just graduated from college and I worked part-time--maybe two or three half-days a week--and the sisters in my ward were not happy with me. They simply couldn't understand how I could do such a thing to my daughter. Never mind that she was in a wonderful home daycare setting (a close family friend cared for both her and her cousin) and that we really did need my income to pay the the bills back then, the sisters in my ward were very public and forthcoming about my lack of mothering. It was hard and I suffered a lot of guilt and anguish over the whole thing, not because I worked but because I didn't feel bad about it--I thought back then in my naivete that there was something wrong with ME.
Eventually, I realized it wasn't me who had the problem and I made peace with it. And then I had more kids but I still didn't like Mother's Day, especially all those talks at church about everyone's sainted mothers and what wonderful homemakers their wives were or about how much they loved mothering. And all I could see was what a perfect mother I was not.
I dreaded Mother's Day. I would find every excuse in the book to not do things, to not be at church. My family would pester me for weeks about what special meal I wanted (ok, they still do that), what gift might make me happy, etc., etc. If I could have just gone to the South Pole ALONE for the week, I would have been more than happy (I guess that's what I should have asked for, but I suspect it wouldn't have been in the budget). I thought about asking for the day off--to go somewhere alone--but the little people would never have gone for that idea.
And then there was the year that we'd been trying to have a baby and I miscarried and the doctors suggested that perhaps it was time to give up. I know that far too many of you know the pain of that Mother's Day. I think perhaps it was about that time I thought about campaigning for a repeal of the holiday.
We finally came to a compromise. Mother's Day would not be about gifts and mom not doing anything all day long (and then spending Monday putting the house back together and recovering from the headache and the burnt breakfast). Mother's Day (weekend) would be about spending time together as a family doing something that Mom liked. So, we do family activities. One year, we spent the day pulling a 300-lb. piece of petrified wood out of a ravine (yes, it really is what I wanted to do and I still have the rock--the elders quorum actually put it on my moving truck). Last year, we spent the weekend watching Daughter #1 graduate from college (definitely a proud mom moment) and visiting Carlsbad Caverns. I have no idea what we'll do this year. I'm thinking about postponing it until #1 comes home for a visit at the end of the month.
Finally, the light bulb went off for me, that has made me able to endure Mother's Day and do it fairly gracefully (graceful has never been a word anyone would associate with me). Mother's Day isn't really about me at all. It isn't about my mothering skills or lack thereof. It isn't about whether I stay home with my children and do cute little craft projects with them and read them stories and show up for all the open houses and school plays and soccer games and band concerts and all the sacrifices we do or don't make for our families.
It's about them. Yep. It's about my kids. It's about allowing them the opportunity to think about someone else for a change and what other people do for them. And if it helps my kids to develop the habit of expressing gratitude, well, I can live with that. I've encouraged them to express gratitude and appreciation for the "other mothers" in their lives. See, I really am determined that it isn't about me.
And that's made it easier. It doesn't mean that I'm not still reminded about all the shortcomings I have as a mother (even though most of them are probably in my own mind--but those church talks still don't help). It doesn't mean that I don't still struggle with what I should or shouldn't be doing. It doesn't mean that my heart doesn't break for the pain of this day for my friends who don't have children of their own and would do anything for a child to mangle their Mother's Day carnation and burn their breakfast.
But in my own way, I've made peace with it. I guess it's just another sacrifice of being a mother.
How do you deal with Mother's Day?
It's not my favorite holiday. In fact, I know an awful lot of women who wouldn't be the least bit sad if it somehow vanished off the calendar. I think I'm one of them. Sort of.
Mother's Day is a tough holiday. I remember as a child, sitting through Sacrament meetings where they handed out plants to "special" mothers: the oldest mother, the newest mother, the mother with the most kids, the "mother" of the ward (the bishop's wife). I'm sure there were other honorifics, because it went on forever, but I don't remember them.
And then time went on and I guess they decided that doing that was a pretty discriminatory practice, like somehow those women were somehow better and more deserving of praise and blessings and the other mothers didn't quite make the grade, so they started giving out something, usually droopy carnations that died before church was over, to every woman of Relief Society age--meaning 18 or over. I thought that was weird, too. As a single teen and young adult, I was pretty uncomfortable with the idea that I should be "honored" on Mother's Day. I tried to either dodge out or just not accept a carnation, but those Deacons weren't having any of that.
And like many young women, my teenage years did not lend themselves to a stellar relationship with my own mother. These things do not a joyous Mother's Day make.
Even after I got married and had kids, I still wrestled with it. I had a really hard time as a young mother. I lived in a very traditional ward, we were a young married couple, I had just graduated from college and I worked part-time--maybe two or three half-days a week--and the sisters in my ward were not happy with me. They simply couldn't understand how I could do such a thing to my daughter. Never mind that she was in a wonderful home daycare setting (a close family friend cared for both her and her cousin) and that we really did need my income to pay the the bills back then, the sisters in my ward were very public and forthcoming about my lack of mothering. It was hard and I suffered a lot of guilt and anguish over the whole thing, not because I worked but because I didn't feel bad about it--I thought back then in my naivete that there was something wrong with ME.
Eventually, I realized it wasn't me who had the problem and I made peace with it. And then I had more kids but I still didn't like Mother's Day, especially all those talks at church about everyone's sainted mothers and what wonderful homemakers their wives were or about how much they loved mothering. And all I could see was what a perfect mother I was not.
I dreaded Mother's Day. I would find every excuse in the book to not do things, to not be at church. My family would pester me for weeks about what special meal I wanted (ok, they still do that), what gift might make me happy, etc., etc. If I could have just gone to the South Pole ALONE for the week, I would have been more than happy (I guess that's what I should have asked for, but I suspect it wouldn't have been in the budget). I thought about asking for the day off--to go somewhere alone--but the little people would never have gone for that idea.
And then there was the year that we'd been trying to have a baby and I miscarried and the doctors suggested that perhaps it was time to give up. I know that far too many of you know the pain of that Mother's Day. I think perhaps it was about that time I thought about campaigning for a repeal of the holiday.
We finally came to a compromise. Mother's Day would not be about gifts and mom not doing anything all day long (and then spending Monday putting the house back together and recovering from the headache and the burnt breakfast). Mother's Day (weekend) would be about spending time together as a family doing something that Mom liked. So, we do family activities. One year, we spent the day pulling a 300-lb. piece of petrified wood out of a ravine (yes, it really is what I wanted to do and I still have the rock--the elders quorum actually put it on my moving truck). Last year, we spent the weekend watching Daughter #1 graduate from college (definitely a proud mom moment) and visiting Carlsbad Caverns. I have no idea what we'll do this year. I'm thinking about postponing it until #1 comes home for a visit at the end of the month.
Finally, the light bulb went off for me, that has made me able to endure Mother's Day and do it fairly gracefully (graceful has never been a word anyone would associate with me). Mother's Day isn't really about me at all. It isn't about my mothering skills or lack thereof. It isn't about whether I stay home with my children and do cute little craft projects with them and read them stories and show up for all the open houses and school plays and soccer games and band concerts and all the sacrifices we do or don't make for our families.
It's about them. Yep. It's about my kids. It's about allowing them the opportunity to think about someone else for a change and what other people do for them. And if it helps my kids to develop the habit of expressing gratitude, well, I can live with that. I've encouraged them to express gratitude and appreciation for the "other mothers" in their lives. See, I really am determined that it isn't about me.
And that's made it easier. It doesn't mean that I'm not still reminded about all the shortcomings I have as a mother (even though most of them are probably in my own mind--but those church talks still don't help). It doesn't mean that I don't still struggle with what I should or shouldn't be doing. It doesn't mean that my heart doesn't break for the pain of this day for my friends who don't have children of their own and would do anything for a child to mangle their Mother's Day carnation and burn their breakfast.
But in my own way, I've made peace with it. I guess it's just another sacrifice of being a mother.
How do you deal with Mother's Day?
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Trifle Not with the Sabbath Day
Today I'd like to share a guest post with you, written by Lynn in Canada. She wrote this after listening to Elder Perry's talk on the Sabbath and the Sacrament. She shared it with me and gave me permission to share it with all of you. The blue parts are from Elder Perry's talk and the black are Lynn's words.
It definitely gave me a new perspective, things I hadn't really thought about in that way before. What do you think?
_________________________
"Partaking of the sacrament is the center of our Sabbath day observance. In the Doctrine and Covenants, the Lord commands all of us:
“And that thou mayest more fully keep thyself unspotted from the world, thou shalt go to the house of prayer and offer up thy sacraments upon my holy day;
“For verily this is a day appointed unto you to rest from your labors, and to pay thy devotions unto the Most High. …
“And on this day thou shalt do none other thing.”
As we consider the pattern of the Sabbath and the sacrament in our own lives, there appear to be three things the Lord requires of us: first, to keep ourselves unspotted from the world; second, to go to the house of prayer and offer up our sacraments; and third, to rest from our labors."
Okay....Two things here. One.......There have been several friends (members and non members a like) that have brought up this subject to me and my husband lately. They question "Do we REALLY need to go to church on Sunday to worship God? I (we) don't believe that going to church is necessary to be a good person."
No of course not...there are lot's of GOOD people who don't attend church. But it IS a commandment from the Lord himself.... right there in the scriptures........ that we DO attend church. "To gather together oft". And sometimes many forget whatever for. Now Elder Perry has reminded me and all of us...that it is for the sacrament and to offer up our sacraments to the Lord. Elder Perry says...
"What does it mean to offer up our sacraments to the Lord? We acknowledge that all of us make mistakes. Each of us has a need to confess and forsake our sins and errors to our Heavenly Father and to others we may have offended. The Sabbath provides us with a precious opportunity to offer up these—our sacraments—to the Lord. He said, “Remember that on this, the Lord’s day, thou shalt offer thine oblations and thy sacraments unto the Most High, confessing thy sins unto thy brethren, and before the Lord."
Secondly, I also got to thinking....times have changed. In the old days....everybody physically WORKED HARD!!! You were either a farmer, or labourer of some sort. Many now say their "job" is light work. It's not physically tasking. And so therefore not "labor". "I just work on a computer." " I just stand here or sit in this chair do to my work." So I am not really physically "working".
And what about those hobbies? "Yes, the pioneer women may have had to sew, or crochet, or knit, in order to keep up with the supply and demand for their families attire, or for money when hired out by others....but I like to sew, or knit, or crochet, as a hobby. It's not work or "labor" for me. It's just something I like do and relaxes me." You get the idea. Well.... Elder Perry had some thoughts on that as well....
"Sometimes we think of resting from our labors as merely letting the hay baler stand idle in the field or putting a Closed sign on the business door. Yet in today’s world, labor includes the everyday work of our lives. This could mean business activities we may accomplish from home, athletic competitions, and other pursuits that take us away from Sabbath day worship and the opportunity to minister to others."
Sure got ME thinking.
It totally FRUSTRATES me that the world has changed SO much that it does NOT matter that you believe in keeping the Sabbath Day Holy. If you want a job, they tell you you HAVE to work on a few Sundays here and there in order to KEEP your job, or you are OUT the door. There is no recourse for this in many places. With my husband finally was able to go back into the work force after a long unemployment period (thank goodness for the job) he's had to face this dilemma.....the Sunday issue for the first time. That's how much it had changed over the years while he had worked at his other job previously for all that time. And so it had also become some of our children's issue, as well, now that they were teenagers and looking for work. It's NOT fair! Religious freedom, should be just that. But it's not. Not always the way we would like it. BUT....having said that.....there ARE ways to STILL do whatever we can to keep the Sabbath Day HOLY in our thoughts and actions when we ARE forced to work on the occasional Sunday. Number one....we can make sure to make it clear to our employers that Sundays ARE our Sabbath Day and we do whatever we can to make it Holy. Don't act casual about it. We can certainly do what we can to come to a compromise about how many Sundays we will be working. Otherwise our Employers will think if WE don't care...why should they. They will require you to work a LOT of Sundays rather than only one or two a month. And in some cases, our employers will respect our beliefs and never ask you to work on a Sunday. That was the case with two of our boys, thankfully. They were so blessed. And they felt so good about sharing this commitment to the Lord with their employers, who respected them for it.
However sometimes it is required of us to work Sundays because of just the nature of our work. I will take my grandfather and my mother for example. Grandpa was an operator and owner of a large dairy farm. There is no way of getting around milking AND feeding those poor cows on Sundays. However, I never, in my life, witnessed my grandfather scrubbing down the walls of the milking barn, or hauling a load of hay to the cows on Sunday either. Those types of chores he was SURE to have completed before the Sabbath day. Only the most necessary of chores were done on Sunday.
Now my mom.... She was a nurse (and a good one) for 45 years. The sick, the aged, and the weak, NEED someone to take care of them on Sundays. So of course, there are those who must work in those cases. There is no day off from taking care of the sick. I have firefighter friends, as well...... Police officers in our family and circle of friends. They HAVE to work in those cases. There is always the law or an emergency to take care of.....even on a Sunday. But.....from my mother I take her example. She was NEVER casual about her Sundays. She respected the Lord's day and treated it as such. She made sure she did whatever she could to keep it unspotted and "different" from any other day of the week. She made sure ALL her chores and things needing to be done at home were DONE BEFORE the Sabbath. The washing machine and dryer never ran on a Sunday, even though it's a machine "doing the work". Those kinds of chores were never done on a Sunday. Never. She dressed in her "skirt" uniform on Sunday instead of her "pants" uniform. The music she listened to on the way there was for the Sabbath. The books she read on her break (the Ensign for example) was for the Sabbath. When conference was on or there was a fireside, she went to those things dressed in her uniform ready to leave for her job when she had to, or else go STRAIGHT there (even late) when she got off her shift. Even if she had been on the graveyard shift Saturday night, she went straight to church Sunday morning on her way home. Even when tired. She did not try to easily find excuses to "skip out". She would call home and keep tabs on us and make SURE we would be there on time as well. And Sunday dinner was always mostly already ready in the slow cooker from the night before or whatever. She never took the Sabbath day lightly.
Now my mom.... She was a nurse (and a good one) for 45 years. The sick, the aged, and the weak, NEED someone to take care of them on Sundays. So of course, there are those who must work in those cases. There is no day off from taking care of the sick. I have firefighter friends, as well...... Police officers in our family and circle of friends. They HAVE to work in those cases. There is always the law or an emergency to take care of.....even on a Sunday. But.....from my mother I take her example. She was NEVER casual about her Sundays. She respected the Lord's day and treated it as such. She made sure she did whatever she could to keep it unspotted and "different" from any other day of the week. She made sure ALL her chores and things needing to be done at home were DONE BEFORE the Sabbath. The washing machine and dryer never ran on a Sunday, even though it's a machine "doing the work". Those kinds of chores were never done on a Sunday. Never. She dressed in her "skirt" uniform on Sunday instead of her "pants" uniform. The music she listened to on the way there was for the Sabbath. The books she read on her break (the Ensign for example) was for the Sabbath. When conference was on or there was a fireside, she went to those things dressed in her uniform ready to leave for her job when she had to, or else go STRAIGHT there (even late) when she got off her shift. Even if she had been on the graveyard shift Saturday night, she went straight to church Sunday morning on her way home. Even when tired. She did not try to easily find excuses to "skip out". She would call home and keep tabs on us and make SURE we would be there on time as well. And Sunday dinner was always mostly already ready in the slow cooker from the night before or whatever. She never took the Sabbath day lightly.
As we all know...the world has become VERY casual about Sunday. I don't care what religion you are....whether your Sabbath is on a Saturday, Monday, Friday or Sunday.....everyone has become too casual about the Sabbath. Business (pun intended) as usual is the agenda for the day. The same as any other day of the week. Working, playing, spending money, thinking and doing other things that have nothing to do with the Lord. And I dare say that this casualness is even more rampant these days withIN the membership of the church. IF the adversary can keep us so VERY busy that we can't even stop to reflect or change our actions or attire for just ONE day of the week......then he's doing the happy dance, 'cause it makes it so much easier for us to just continue on in a direction that we shouldn't be going.
Elder Perry continues on...
"It is a glorious thing to be a Christian and to live as a true disciple of Christ. Of us He said, “They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.” To keep ourselves unspotted from the world, He expects us to avoid such worldly distractions of businesses and recreational facilities on the Sabbath day.
I believe He also desires us to dress appropriately. Our youth may think the old saying “Sunday best” is outdated. Still, we know that when Sunday dress deteriorates to everyday attire, attitudes and actions follow. Of course, it may not be necessary for our children to wear formal Sunday attire until the sun goes down. However, by the clothing we encourage them to wear and the activities we plan, we help them prepare for the sacrament and enjoy its blessings throughout the day."
Speaking of attire.....it was ALWAYS the rule in our house growing up, that we stayed in our better Sunday clothes after church and for the entire day. I will be honest and say that at times when our friends made fun of us for that (sometimes our family was invited over to other member's homes for dinner or FHE and they would see us all still in our better clothes...not necessarily our Sunday suits or dresses.....but still in our dressier and better Sunday clothes/skirts) it was hard to take the teasing and at times my siblings and I felt out of the "cool loop"........but it was WAY easier to remember what day it was when we were dressed differently than the SAME old way the rest of the week......and it was WAY easier to have our friends CHOOSE appropriate activities to do with us when we were dressed like that.
My husband and I have adopted the SAME Sabbath day rule in our own home. ( Funny how that goes.) The kids just know. There is no questions asked or arguments about it. They were raised from small babies with this rule and it is just a way of life. In fact, our second oldest daughter mentioned to me just the other day how glad she was that she was taught this principle. ( Oh be still my heart! lol. Love it.)
Anyway....just one more quote from Elder Perry....
“Trifle not with sacred things,” the Lord revealed to the Latter-day Saints, as if to remind us of what He told His disciples: “The sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath.”
Wow. That is like a slap or wake up call to me. The Sabbath day is TRULY a sacred day. I must NOT "trifle" with it. I am all the more committed to raise the bar, step it up a notch, recommit or what- have- you, with the Sabbath Day.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
A little about Lynn:
I am married to the teenage boy who sat at the back of the school bus, when I was just a kid at the front of the bus. He was the 11th child of 15. I am the oldest of 8. We both grew up in the same small town, but never ever thought that we would end up getting married, let alone dating. That didn't cross our minds till years later. He was already graduated college and was working full time, by the time I was graduating high school. My father in law was my high school principal, and also my Bishop at one point. He was "Mr." to me. It took me quite a few years to finally start calling him "dad".
My husband and I are the parents of 6 awesome (but not perfect..let's make that clear) kids. Cassie, Candi, Colby, Corey, Curtis, and Cami. Our family continues to be blessed with an added son (in-law) Jon, married to Cassie in 2007, and their little girl Brynnae, who is our very first grandchild. Born 2011.
Other than my kids being my whole life.....I have a passion for fashion. An interest in home fashions (styling and decorating). An obsession with cooking and recipes.... I read and collect recipes by the thousands...so many that there is no way that I could make them all in my life time..... But I love trying and my family loves being the recipient of those meals. I love good music, dancing, reading blogs, researching and preparing for all kinds of emergencies....especially after being called as a Ward Preparedness Specialist a few years ago and just before my husband's sudden job lay off. And I would also add running to my lists of "loves", however, I can't say I "love" it. Although, I've been motivated to work out six times a week, for the past 25 years or so, and now have taken on running 5.5 miles a day (6 times a week) for about the past 3 years, for a refreshing change of pace. I can say I do love it....once my run is over. ; D
Monday, May 2, 2011
Sinfully Delicious for a Heavenly Mother's Day
Mother's Day is in a week. Does anyone else feel like it really snuck up on us this year?
I guess it's because Easter was as late as it could be (well, within a day) and Mother's Day is as early as it can be. I guess I'm going to need to get creative here to get the mother's in my family taken care of.
If nothing else, I may need to pamper myself and I'm thinking that this delicious dessert could definitely do the trick.
How can anything that's chocolate and caramel and pecans NOT be yum? This heavenly treat is definitely no exception. I made this for the first time for a potluck event and had so many requests for the recipe that it's now at the top of my personal recipe hit parade.
And, even better, it's really easy. There are quite a few steps, but this is an easy recipe that even a beginner cook can handle and w0w their dinner guests.
I suppose the recipe came from somewhere, so I can't take credit for making it up. I know I didn't make it up, because I've never used a packaged cookie mix for anything. I thought about making up my own crust because I'm pretty much anti-packaged cooke and brownie mixes, but I was a little short on time--and since I hadn't tasted it before, I wasn't sure what I would make for a crust.
Start with the cookie mix, add egg and butter and create a crust. then add a cup of chopped pecans to the dough (yum).
The recipe actually calls for a tart pan with a removable bottom but I didn't have one and couldn't find one at all two stores I visited, so I used springform pans--they worked great.
Press the dough into the bottom and up the sides of the pan and then bake it for about 20 minutes in a 350-degree oven.
Take it out and let it cool for 10 minutes or so. While it's cooling, melt the caramels with 1/3 cup of cream, and blend it well.
Mix in more pecans and pour over the cooled crust. Refrigerate the tart for at least 15 minutes.
While the tart is cooling, melt the bag of milk chocolate chips with another 1/3 cup of cream and blend it well. Spread the chocolate mixture over the caramel and sprinkle with yet more pecans.
Oh, and in case you're wondering what to do with the leftover bits of chocolate in the bowl, well, I never have that problem at my house.
Refrigerate your finished tart for at least two hours, unmold it and enjoy!
Here's the whole recipe, just to make it easier for you.
1/2 cup butter or margarine, softened
1 tablespoon water
1 egg
1 cup chopped pecans
1/3 cup whipping cream
3/4 cup chopped pecans
1/3 cup whipping cream
1/4 cup chopped pecans
1. Heat oven to 350°F. In large bowl, stir cookie mix, butter, water and egg until soft dough forms. Stir in 1 cup pecans. Press dough in bottom and up sides of ungreased 9-inch tart pan with removable bottom.
2. Bake 19 to 21 minutes or until light golden brown. Cool 10 minutes.
3. Meanwhile, in medium microwavable bowl, microwave caramels and 1/3 cup cream on High 2 to 4 minutes, stirring twice, until caramels are melted. Stir in 3/4 cup pecans. Spread over cooled crust. Refrigerate 15 minutes.
4. In another medium microwavable bowl, microwave chocolate chips and 1/3 cup cream on High 1 to 2 minutes, stirring every 30 seconds, until chocolate is smooth. Pour over filling. Sprinkle with 1/4 cup pecans. Refrigerate 2 hours or until set. To serve, let stand at room temperature 10 minutes before cutting. Store covered in refrigerator (like there's going to be any left).
High Altitude (3500-6500 ft): Use 10-inch tart pan. In step 2, bake crust 21 to 23 minutes.
Yum! Yum! When you try it, come back and let me know how yummy it was! Enjoy!
And in the interest of disclosure, lest some alert reader thinks I am horqueing things off other people's blogs, I originally posted this on my other blog, Improving On the Silence, some time last year. I am very respectful of copyrights. And yes, I made up that word. I get to do that because it's my blog.
I guess it's because Easter was as late as it could be (well, within a day) and Mother's Day is as early as it can be. I guess I'm going to need to get creative here to get the mother's in my family taken care of.
If nothing else, I may need to pamper myself and I'm thinking that this delicious dessert could definitely do the trick.
How can anything that's chocolate and caramel and pecans NOT be yum? This heavenly treat is definitely no exception. I made this for the first time for a potluck event and had so many requests for the recipe that it's now at the top of my personal recipe hit parade.
And, even better, it's really easy. There are quite a few steps, but this is an easy recipe that even a beginner cook can handle and w0w their dinner guests.
I suppose the recipe came from somewhere, so I can't take credit for making it up. I know I didn't make it up, because I've never used a packaged cookie mix for anything. I thought about making up my own crust because I'm pretty much anti-packaged cooke and brownie mixes, but I was a little short on time--and since I hadn't tasted it before, I wasn't sure what I would make for a crust.
The recipe actually calls for a tart pan with a removable bottom but I didn't have one and couldn't find one at all two stores I visited, so I used springform pans--they worked great.
Press the dough into the bottom and up the sides of the pan and then bake it for about 20 minutes in a 350-degree oven.
Take it out and let it cool for 10 minutes or so. While it's cooling, melt the caramels with 1/3 cup of cream, and blend it well.
Mix in more pecans and pour over the cooled crust. Refrigerate the tart for at least 15 minutes.
While the tart is cooling, melt the bag of milk chocolate chips with another 1/3 cup of cream and blend it well. Spread the chocolate mixture over the caramel and sprinkle with yet more pecans.
Oh, and in case you're wondering what to do with the leftover bits of chocolate in the bowl, well, I never have that problem at my house.
Refrigerate your finished tart for at least two hours, unmold it and enjoy!
Here's the whole recipe, just to make it easier for you.
Turtle Tart
Cookie Crust
1 pouch (1 lb 1.5 oz) Betty Crocker® oatmeal cookie mix1/2 cup butter or margarine, softened
1 tablespoon water
1 egg
1 cup chopped pecans
Filling
40 caramels, unwrapped1/3 cup whipping cream
3/4 cup chopped pecans
Topping
1 bag (11.5 oz) milk chocolate chips (2 cups)1/3 cup whipping cream
1/4 cup chopped pecans
1. Heat oven to 350°F. In large bowl, stir cookie mix, butter, water and egg until soft dough forms. Stir in 1 cup pecans. Press dough in bottom and up sides of ungreased 9-inch tart pan with removable bottom.
2. Bake 19 to 21 minutes or until light golden brown. Cool 10 minutes.
3. Meanwhile, in medium microwavable bowl, microwave caramels and 1/3 cup cream on High 2 to 4 minutes, stirring twice, until caramels are melted. Stir in 3/4 cup pecans. Spread over cooled crust. Refrigerate 15 minutes.
4. In another medium microwavable bowl, microwave chocolate chips and 1/3 cup cream on High 1 to 2 minutes, stirring every 30 seconds, until chocolate is smooth. Pour over filling. Sprinkle with 1/4 cup pecans. Refrigerate 2 hours or until set. To serve, let stand at room temperature 10 minutes before cutting. Store covered in refrigerator (like there's going to be any left).
High Altitude (3500-6500 ft): Use 10-inch tart pan. In step 2, bake crust 21 to 23 minutes.
Yum! Yum! When you try it, come back and let me know how yummy it was! Enjoy!
And in the interest of disclosure, lest some alert reader thinks I am horqueing things off other people's blogs, I originally posted this on my other blog, Improving On the Silence, some time last year. I am very respectful of copyrights. And yes, I made up that word. I get to do that because it's my blog.
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